Caitlin
He took the empty seat next to me, trapping me up against the window. “Do you know what time it is?”
“Eleven-twenty.”
“Are you a model?”
“No.”
“Have you ever thought about being photographed, or being in videos or something?”
“I’m not interested.”
“You’re beautiful.”
I snapped, in the most polite way possible. “If you’re going to talk to me like that, then go sit somewhere else.”
I noticed several people around me stir at the sound of my raised voice, but no one intervened. The man didn’t move, but I quickly lost my courage. He was at least twice my size, and I didn’t want to make him mad. He didn’t move for another fifteen minutes, preferring to sulk and glare at me. When I got off the bus, I was relieved to see he didn’t follow me.
I’ve never confronted someone like that before, but I know I’ve been building up to it. I moved from Oakland to Los Angeles three months ago; in these three months, I’ve been harassed more than in all my previous 22 years. Every time I step outside now, I brace myself for the leering, the smirking, the “where you going?”, the “hey girl, nice titties!” At first, I chalked it up to changes I was making. I’m growing my hair out, and I recently warmed to the look of red lipstick. But even with my hair in a bun and no make-up on my face, I was getting it.
Two days ago (again, on the bus) I was witness to another woman getting it. I was already on edge after being stuck between two crazies threatening to pepper spray each other. After moving towards the back of the bus, I ended up standing next to the woman. At first, I thought the man standing behind her was a little close. Then I noticed she was a little uncomfortable. Then I noticed the little tent in the front of his sweatpants. I was horrified; I realized that whether I liked it or not, my proximity made me a participant in this scene.
I stared straight at the man, feebly trying to make him aware that I knew what I he was doing and that I didn’t approve. We made eye-contact, but he didn’t care. I knocked my shoulder into him when I got off the bus, but nothing else. I’m ashamed of myself for not saying anything, for not sticking up for the woman and telling him to back off. I can feel my face flushing, my hands are clamming up just thinking about it.
I always assumed I would stick up for other women, should the time arise. It did, and I didn’t. I would like to think that I won’t stay quiet again; that something like this won’t happen again in front of me unchallenged, not on my watch. But I’m not sure. I just hope in the future that I can be brave, and do the right thing. If not for myself, then for the woman I didn’t stand up for, and all the other women no one ever helps.
Brave women who made the news for standing up to their harassers:
http://gawker.com/5855987/new-subway-hero-the-groper-slapper
http://jezebel.com/5696376/subway-flasher-picks-the-wrong-woman-to-mess-with
Patricia
First off I’m sorry to hear that this kind of stuff has been happening more often to you too hun <3
It’s really hard to say what we all COULD do to help ourselves and other women in situations like this. The fact of the matter is that our society is one where victim blaming is used to lay down responsibility on not the person doing the harassment, but the innocent person that is being harassed. Like you said Caitlin it is so hard to muster courage for ourselves or other women when we are being harassed. Over the years of dealing with harassment on public transportation as well as on the sidewalk I’ve noticed my feelings of shame and self loathing at myself when men would say things or make motions at me. I’d be convinced that it was somehow MY fault that these men were doing things to make me feel uncomfortable when really I had nothing to do with it. One of the biggest things that has helped me in dealing with being harassed has been the realization that I wasn’t doing anything to egg these men on, not the way I dress, the way I walk, or whether I decided to wear make up that day. After dealing with the shame it’s become easier for me to get angry and defend myself more, to make it clear to men that it isn’t ok to treat women like objects. As for helping women when they are being harassed the safest and easiest thing for me to do has been to let the other woman know that she isn’t alone, that someone else is aware about what’s going on by either talking to her or helping her move away from
a guy that is giving her trouble. One of my biggest fears is that someone would get violent with me through harassment so I try to keep as non-confrontational as I can while getting the message across that I won’t let some man make me a victim.
Omg I have the same problem and the same response.
I have been groped publicly twice, and no one helped me but also I didn’t do anything myself!
I had this overwhelming feeling like “Don’t make a scene don’t make a scene”
But really what I should (and you should) be doing is making a HUGE scene. Shouting or yelling really loudly.
To publicly humiliate these creeps.
its the only thing that works. Good luck for next time.
on the bright side – at least you are pretty.
So the question I always ask is this – what’s the difference between harassment and flirting (outside the workplace – if it’s your boss, I can easily see how you’re trapped between a rock and a hard place). Is it so simple as “I’m not interested, therefore this is harassment?”
The opening conversation of this article catches me a little flat footed – I’m assuming the bus was laid out as buses usually are, with a center divider and two seats per row; he sat next to you, ‘trapping’ you against the window.’ I include the quotes around ‘trapping’ because I find it unlikely that he would not have let you get up if you told him to. Let me immediately note that I don’t take to the reasoning “I was here first, I shouldn’t have to leave” – if you’re uncomfortable, and you’re not willing to address the problem, you get to stay uncomfortable. He was not obviously rude or obscene – he simply found you attractive.
I’m not saying that women are not harassed – I’m just confused as to the distinction between flirting and sexual harassment.
Garrett, no one wants to be ‘flirted’ with, let alone talked to on a bus in Los Angeles. And generally speaking the person telling Caitlin “she should be a model” is probably not Brad Pitt, he’s an older man taking advantage of a situation where a young woman (alone) can’t move much – nor leave until she reaches her destination. If a man (or woman) is flirting with you, and you are clearly exhibiting signs of ‘no I’m not interested’ it’s annoying, and rude and can easily turn from irksome to harassment. Being on a bus or train isn’t so different from being in the workplace – your trapped. Except the difference with public transportation is you are usually alone and surrounded by strangers.
I think it’s pretty clear the dude telling caitlin she should be “photographed” is not flirting. I find it strange when people say, what’s the difference between flirting and sexual harassment? as if sexual harassment is some kind of construction people make when they don’t want to be “flirted” with. not to mention, i don’t think it has much to do with whether or not someone looks like brad pitt. even if it were a hot dude on the bus telling me i should be “photographed”–whatever the hell THAT means–i would still be freaked out.
if someone asks me, on the other hand, what i’m READING–that would not be offensive to me. maybe annoying, since generally i don’t want to talk to people. but that’s not harassment. (i mean, it could become harassment, but at that level it remains relatively benign).
caitlin, i’m not sure what you could have said in the “tent” situation. it’s a weird form of harassment that is difficult to address. What are you going to say–”stop looking at her”? maybe you could get between them. block his vision. that’s awful, though. No one should have to experience that.
Here’s a semi-relevant article: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/07/education/widespread-sexual-harassment-in-grades-7-to-12-found-in-study.html?_r=3&hp
Garret none of us know what this guy would have done to Caitlin if she had asked him to let her get up from her seat or had she decided to be more assertive about getting him to leave her alone.
One of the scariest parts about being sexually harassed on public transportation is the fact that the people doing it are complete strangers. When we find ourselves in situations like these we aren’t literally trapped but feel that way because of a sense of helplessness and fear that comes along when someone decides to harass you.
As for determining what is flirting and what is actual sexual harassment a lot of the time it can be very black and white or in a gray area in between. Personally when I think of myself flirting with people it is generally something that is reciprocated between me and another person in an appropriate setting. I see sexual harassment more as men pushing themselves on me after I have expressed clear disinterest, like Caitlin obviously did in this situation. Harassment is after all by definition making someone uncomfortable by undesired contact – verbal or otherwise.
Yes! I saw a women get harassed on the bus and I did not know what to do. The guy just kept asking her questions of where she lived, and got off when she got off! I got so scared for her. I felt so ashamed for two days thinking about that woman and wondering what I could have done to have made it better.
Sophia, I’ve met several people on buses in Austin. I’ve had pleasant conversations, I’ve made acquaintances I’ve seen again later, and it’s not just me; I’ve seen random people strike up conversations. I’ve ridden public transportation in LA, too, and I’ve seen people talking there. Being on public transportation, or in really any other public space, does not obviate the need for dealing with strangers.
The working definition of sexual harassment both in the post, the comments and the article linked by Angela is lacking something, I think – it doesn’t have a sense of . Under that definition, a man walking up to a woman in a bar and telling her she’s pretty is sexual harassment if she’s not interested; and I think we can all agree that’s not (and if we can’t agree, I’m in dangerous, dangerous waters).
Patricia – I have a good idea of what this guy would have done if Caitlin had asked him to get up – as little as she did to confront it. Perhaps he’d apologize and try again (“I was too forward, but I really think you’re pretty!”) Perhaps he’d sit there. Perhaps the worst would have happened, and he would have gotten physical – unlikely, but a possibility. What I find strains credibility is the insistence that *if* that had happened, Caitlin would have done nothing, and more importantly that the rest of the bus would have been completely unresponsive. I’ve seen similar things happen here – on the E Bus, coming home from downtown, where a drunk grabbed a lone woman’s ass and was summarily punched and thrown from the bus at the next stop. Or another time when a man was hitting on a woman with her friends, and someone yelled at him to can it – and he did.
I cannot fathom how anyone, much less a woman who considers herself a modern, empowered woman, would be unable to tell a guy to fuck off. I don’t mean saying, “Uh, I’m not really, y’know… interested. If that’s all right.” I mean turning to him and telling him, “Fuck off.” Of course facing someone down can be intimidating – that doesn’t mean it’s not your obligation to do something when you feel uncomfortable. It strikes me as peculiar that the problem here is ‘public transportation’ or ‘men who make advances.’ Isn’t the best way to escape the ‘girl culture trap’ standing up and saying, “No, enough of this bullshit?”
Bah – second paragraph should read “…doesn’t have a sense of intimidation.”
Garrett, I think I should point out that if the situation were right, I’d be okay with Brad Pitt or equivalent flirting with me, but not sexually harassing me–which as you point out includes a degree of intimidation. I would not be okay with Brad Pitt staring at my tits, flashing me, saying ANYTHING about my tits until I have known this person for some time, or creepily telling me I should be “photographed.” I am really hoping you don’t walk up to a girl, look her up and down, and be like “you’re hot. You should be ‘photographed.’ ” Not only will it make the girl uncomfortable, but if you say anything else or do anything else to make the girl uncomfortable, then you are sexually harassing them. I say “girl” but as the link I sent proves, girls aren’t the only ones being sexually harassed.
The definition provided by the NYTimes article states that sexual harassment they studied among kids includes “unwelcome sexual comments, gestures or jokes” which contains a degree of intimidation if you look at a girl and gesture towards your dick, for example, or make a discomforting allusion to her breasts, sexuality, whatever (same goes for boys). another:”touched in an unwelcome way.” that is VERY clearly intimidating. another: “being called gay or lesbian in a negative way.” If I called you homo or dyke as if it were an insult, you would be upset or insulted, probably. etc.
Regarding your statement about “straining credibility” you are very naive. Sometimes someone will stand up for another person on the bus, but very often they won’t, especially (but not limited to) if the sexual harassment occurring isn’t being widely broadcasted.
and as for your statement “It strikes me as peculiar that the problem here is …‘men who make advances.’ ” I cannot stress this enough: the problem is very, VERY much the people making the advances. It is NOT EVER anyone’s fault that they are getting sexually harassed.
Garrett,
Your first three paragraph I have little to say. The women who have commented, myself included have offered only our personal experience. Experience that has made us uncomfortable, and scared – scared to do what is ‘right’, to voice our objections. Maybe it takes being in a position where you feel vulnerable, and afraid for your safety to entirely understand this.
Being a modern empowered woman (as you put it – not us) is not as simple as adding it to your facebook bio. It’s a learning experience. We’re human-beings, and we’re capable of making mistakes. I think it takes a lot of courage to recognize one’s mistakes, and I think it takes a lot of strength to want to correct them. Telling someone to ‘fuck off’ may be easy for you, but maybe it isn’t easy for someone who is not good at confronting people – let alone someone they don’t know. It is preposterous to demand it as an obligation, as you have clearly stated. The title of the piece is merely food for thought – it can be interpreted as public transportation being the problem, or the problems that occur when on public transportation – I think you put a lot of unnecessary weight in titles. I always think of titles as a jumping off point for discussion and thought.
As for your closing statements, I think you’re making arguments where there aren’t any. I believe everyone agrees with you that the best way to escape ‘the girl culture trap’ is standing up for yourself. Does that mean it’s always easy? No. Just because something seems easy to you, doesn’t mean it’s easy for others. Caitlin’s sentiments regarding sexual harassment (and yes, it was sexual harassment. There are no if, ands or butts about it. Patricia offered a very good definition of it) are honest. And I commend her for being able to be so open about something that makes any girl want to throw up.
I took the bus and public transportation a lot in my life. I remember being 16 and being very afraid when older men would sit behind me and say things that I would rather not remember. I remember getting up and switching train cars, clutching my cell phone, praying my father would be there to meet me at the station platform. I remember running out of union station after being followed. Metro stations I use regularly (Wilshire and Western for example) have had repeated cases of women getting raped – young women, traveling alone. Even now, at 22 there have been occurrences that leave me scared… Maybe being an empowered woman in your mind means carrying pepper spray in my purse and being able to scream at some of these people. But I don’t always, and sometimes, not being aggressive is the appropriate response. Because as Patricia stated earlier, you don’t know how someone is going to react. You have to be careful, especially if your a young woman traveling alone. Anyone who has taken a bus or metro should know that.
Garrett-
When a strange man approaches a woman on a bus and asks her if she’s a model, or if she’s ever been photographed or been in videos, 99.99% of the time, he’s not asking if she’s ever been in a JC Penny’s catalog. Even if he was sincerely asking me if I modeled in a non-sexual/fetishistic kind of way, he’s still basically telling me he finds my body sexually attractive. Which, considering he’s a stranger on the bus, is at the very least inappropriate.
You brought up that my conversation with this stranger could be similar to how people would interact in a bar. You’re forgetting that context is key- bars are places where people relax, sit, and socialize. Bars are places where people interact with each other. Buses just take you from point A to point B with hopefully as little trouble as possible.
I’m glad that you’ve seen people stick up for women being harassed on the bus and elsewhere. That needs to happen much, much more often! In the situation I chose to write about, the only other people around me were an elderly man, and a mother with her young son. The elderly man soon got of the bus, and the mother was so unnerved by me raising my voice that she actually got up and moved herself and her son away from me and my harasser.
The man harassing me was 6′+, and at least 250lbs (for reference, I’m about the same size as Sophia, only a little shorter). He didn’t get on the bus and happen to sit next to me, he got out of his seat and purposefully moved closer to me. When I told him to move, not only did he NOT move, he rested his arm, outstretched, on the back of the seat in front of me, thus moving even more into my personal space. He acted as though he were entitled to my conversation and attention, and was clearly irritated when I denied him. Should he have decided to touch me, there would have been no one to help.
It would be one thing to call someone out on copping a feel or taking pictures- they’re being secretive because they know what they’re doing is wrong, and calling attention to their actions is enough to get them to stop (at that moment, anyway). It is quite a different matter to confront someone who was bold enough to openly approach you in the first place. While I would have liked to have told him to “Fuck off,” after factoring in his forwardness, his irritation after I rejected his “advances,” the way he moved even closer to me, the size disparity between us, the fact that there was no one close by to maybe help if they felt like it- I have no problem with my decision to just grit my teeth and wait for my stop.
First, let me thank you for your responses – I do appreciate them. I think they’re off the mark, honestly, but I’ll freely admit I can’t speak to being a woman in those situations because I’m A) never been in a situation where I was unable or unwilling to react to what I was confronted with and B) not a woman.
What irks me about the discussion of sexual harassment centers on two things; the first is the definition of sexual harassment. There are no clear-cut standards when it is discussed – but this is a serious, serious issue. Sexual harassment is not only wrong, but it is a federal offense; and like rape I have seen many women throw the term around cavalierly. I have had women honestly insist they were ‘raped’ after having decided they should not have slept with a man a week later – I’m not trying to insinuate that all women think this, but I have noticed a trend recently to use serious terms with a levity that is worrisome.
I think this comes from a notion that men are always out to get women – an idea that used to be benign (Men are generally interested in pursuing women) has been morphed into this pervading sense of malice on behalf of all men (If he’s interested, he will rape you). It’s not true – about 213,000 women are sexually assaulted every year, and while that’s a terrible number, there’s almost a hundred sixty *million* women in the United States; factor in that about 2/3rds of sexual assaults are committed by people the victim knows, the likelyhood of a woman being sexually assaulted by a stranger is *tiny* (http://www.rainn.org/statistics and census.gov). Men are not out to get you. They’re really not – some are creeps, some are douchebags, and yes, some are rapists, but chances are you are not going to be harmed. Are you going to be made uncomfortable sometimes? Yes! This is what you get for living in a populated area and dealing with strangers. The notion that all men are to be feared is something that is not only insulting to men, but I think is something that damages women psychologically more than they realize.
The second bit is largely addressed in Sophia’s comment – this notion that the world is unfair, and the world must change to be better. It’s a beautiful dream, but it’s just a dream. The world changes based on actions, not desires. Change is predicated on real effort from individuals – the Civil Rights Act did not come about because those in power realized “Hey, we’re a bunch of assholes.” When I say it is a woman’s obligation to speak up if she feels threatened, I simply mean to say that you are responsible for your own life. No superhero, no white knight is going to come and fix things – you are the change you wish to be (Now how we convince women that they’re not as weak as they think they are is an entirely different discussion). I have met, seen and heard of women who stand up for themselves against men who are acting improperly – and in damn near every case, he stepped down. In one case, I remember a friend of mine yelling at a guy in a bar for grabbing her ass, and he not only backed away, but offered to buy her a drink and profusely apologized (He looked scared enough to wet himself). Women can stand up for themselves. It may be scary, and there are times when it’s dangerous, but that does not mean it is impossible and that certainly does not mean it is not necessary.
Back to Angela’s comment – I am certainly naive when it comes to women. I don’t think, though, that if Caitlin had stood up and made a scene that everyone would have ignored her. She already noted that people had reacted; is it really so difficult to think that someone would have responded?
Caitlin – I’m not saying your decision was wrong. It may well have been the best option. I’m not attempting to insinuate you’re a coward (though as I write this I realize I cannot think of any situation where I would label a woman a coward, even if I would label a man one… double standard, heyooooo). What I wish to point out is that you in particular and women in general have the power to do something instead of demurely sitting there.
I reject out of hand that women are unable to confront men; I accept that they don’t want to. “I was scared” is not the same as “I was unable.”
Frankly, I’m starting to feel like you don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore. Where did I state that ‘the world is unfair, and must change to be better’? You’re putting words in my mouth, and twisting the intent of our meanings. I find it irksome (to put nicely) that you’re attempting to diminish what we do here. This website is an attempt to give women a voice beyond that of Kim Kardashian telling us to take diet pills, and other like-minded media. There aren’t enough websites like Jezebel, and there aren’t enough Jean Kilbournes in the room – we are trying to change that by offering our voices and stories. Talking about change is the first way to initiate change. You bring up the Civil Rights Act – First, that wasn’t the cure-all for racism in American, and second, there was a lot of literature and discussion involved in that movement. Literature, which you can freely access at your local library and bookstore – it is still relevant. Women have rights, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t facing issues in the day to day that aren’t worthy of discussion. This is a place to talk and be honest about that.
No one is asking for a white knight, and it’s insulting that you would imply that is what we’ve said. Its good that your friends have stood up to male harassers, but keep in mind your experiences do not always reflect others – not to mention your example took place in a bar (its not the same thing as a bus).
Women are totally capable for standing up for themselves. But as you said, you are not a woman, and do not understand the risks involved when doing so. To diminish our experiences by saying “statistically the guy prob won’t rape you” is idiotic, rude, and quite frankly, mean.
I hope you come to see that what we’re attempting to do here is be another voice outlet for women. I’m sorry you don’t see us as ‘empowered women’ (whatever that really means) and that you take such issue with our tag line ‘escaping the girl-culture trap’. I hope you realize that this blog is not ‘man-hating’, nor do we blame the depiction of women in the media / the role we have in society, on men. Women are to blame too, which I believe is something Caitlin is bringing up in this article. I think men often find ‘feminist’ talk annoying, or they attempt to find a weak point in the argument to poke at and argue with, because they feel like women are saying “the fault lies 100% on men” not to mention it can be threatening for how men want to see women. This is not true for all guys obviously, but it happens, and its disappointing when it does.
Hey Garrett,
I appreciate that you feel there is a blur between what is considered flirting and harassment. I know its an issue for my friend who are boys. How do they know if they attempts at flirting are being grossly misinterpreted? But I think you’ve got several other commenters responding on this.
I’d like to respond about this idea that if a woman stands up to these harrassers she will be helped or supported.
This is categorically untrue. Not in a lot of cases. Maybe new york is a wonderfully helpful place that way. I don’t know.
But most places are not fair or friendly towards women and most on-lookers end up probably thinking “someone else will deal with this. I just want to get home.”.
I have first hand experience of this. 2 boys physically assaulted me, on a crowded public beach in Bombay – they actually knocked me down and sat/lay on top of me. I had a crowd of people watching around me – no one did anything, or even said anything. They were just spectators. The boys got up laughed and walked away. It was a fun joke. I felt kind of horrible, and embarrassed and angry, but only afterwards.
At the time I just thought, “Get up, and walk quickly.”
So not only is it intimidating, but the only thing you want to do, that you can think of doing – is to remove yourself from the situation. Not take some great stand.
Of course is so easy to say that a woman should blah blah – and I agree we should. I think everyone commenting here feels that way – but really I think you’d need to be in the situation yourself. To really feel it. Feel afraid. Feel that no one will help you. And then you can say “You should do so and so…” so casually
That’s fair – and I really appreciate hearing an actual case of “this happened, and nobody did anything.” I haven’t witnessed this myself,
The closest I can relate to is being mugged – I was alone, he had a knife, and no help was coming. I was afraid – but had it come down to him trying to kill me instead of merely take my money, I would have fought (And probably lost). The idea of paralyzing fear is alien to me, and I hope it remains so.
Perhaps this is not equivalent to being sexually harassed – but again, I appreciate the example.
I am speaking generally, Sophia. I am not ‘putting words in your mouth.’ I am trying to communicate that the prevailing attitude I see and hear from women in this country; one of fear. I think title of the blog is apt – a lot of women are afraid. I don’t think this makes sense given reality, and I think that on a blog intending to give voice to women needs to not only stand up to mainstream media pushing diet pills, but improper perceptions women have.
My problem is that I do see you as empowered women – meaning ‘women who are confident in their abilities and are able to make an impact’ (Apologies for using unfamiliar terminology). I think women generally overestimate the risks of standing up for themselves – I may be rude, I may be mean, but I assure you that I am not being idiotic when I point out something that is overwhelmingly supported by evidence. I cringe when I read of Caitlin being an ‘accessory’ to sexual harassment not because I think she couldn’t do anything, but because I believe she could and did not.
I hope this blog is not only a place for women to voice their ideas, but those who agree with them and wish to chime in and perhaps even more importantly, those who disagree. If not, I feel this blog is weakened immeasurably.
Garrett-
Just a quick note, your 2/3rds statistic refers only to rape, not sexual assault overall. The legal definition of sexual assault changes from state to state; in some places, it’s pretty much the same as rape, but Washington state says “Sexual assault can include child sexual abuse, rape, attempted rape, incest, exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, fondling, and sexual harassment.” Also, the number of sexual assaults you quoted (213,000) is actually 248,300 (victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault). So good job on just copying RAINN’s statistics instead of actually reading their website.
Going off of the statistics you’ve linked to, and a few others I’ve sought out, there’s about an 8.3% chance I’ll be raped by a stranger; comparatively, there’s a 3% of you being raped by anyone, acquaintance or stranger. If you do happen to fall into that unlucky 3%, there’s a 93.7% chance that you were raped by another man.
http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32361
A survey taken by Mary Koss in 1987 reported that 4.5% of the men in college surveyed admitted to forcing a woman to have sex against her will. That pans out to over 6 million men. Sure, some women cry wolf when they regret their decisions. But false accusations only account for 2% of all reported sexual assaults. Apply that to the number of sexual assaults mentioned earlier (248,300) and you’ve got less than 5,000 false allegations. I find that much, much less concerning than 4.5% of any group openly admitting to raping a woman.
http://lawprofessors.typepad.com/crimprof_blog/2004/12/2_false_rape_st.html
http://www.amptoons.com/blog/2004/05/05/how-many-men-are-rapists/
“Men are not out to get you”?? Maybe some of them aren’t, but a hell of a lot of them are. And even if a man isn’t “out to get me,” he sure doesn’t have a problem with making me feel uncomfortable or scared, which is actually what we were discussing before you dragged rape into your argument. Just like you claim to not be insinuating that all women make false rape allegations, none of us is insinuating that all men want to harass/assault/rape us. But your out of hand dismissal of what we’re telling you (the fact that the constant stares/comments/touching from men that all women experience, some on a daily basis, makes us feel unsafe and perhaps unwilling to take a stand), is deeply concerning.
Apologies, Caitlin – I should have taken more time to look at their statistics. It’s not 2/3rds, as you note – it’s 73%. Turns out this is also inaccurate – the most recent DOJ report indicates that females know the offenders in 79% of these cases, and there were 106,100 counts of rape or sexual assault in 2009 (the most recent year published), indicating approximately 23,000 women above age 12 were sexually assaulted or raped by complete strangers. Additionally, a study of the years 1985-1988 indicated that 50% of reported rapes at the measured Midwestern universities were fabricated (Kanin, E.J., (1994) “False Rape Accusations”, Archives of Sexual Behavior, V23, P81-92). Admittedly, these data are skewed because of the low number of cases compared to other violent crime, and they’re not necessarily representative of today. To be clear – one raped woman is too many. I merely brought the numbers up because the odds are overwhelming that an altercation with a stranger would not progress to physical violence.
I brought up rape simply to illustrate that terms that serious terms are often used more lightly than they probably should be, pegging back to my first comment. I brought up sexual assault in response to the last sentence of Patricia’s addendum to the article, namely that she was afraid to act for fear of physical violence occuring (something I assumed was a common rationale). I think, and I will admit I do not have empirical evidence to back this up, that sexual harassment would be less prevalent if it were met with immediate, unambiguous rejection of that behavior. It is easy to terrorize those who can’t, or don’t, fight back.
[...] them, and fosters discussions inspired by the articles. Topics include body image, watching porn, dealing with harassment on public transportation, the Kardashian sisters, and the minefield that is talking to men about [...]